I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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