i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
