Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
