i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize