genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize