i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
