you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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