I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
