i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My penis needs a shock collar
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
