all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
