well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
