I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
