Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
