i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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