Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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