Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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