i just made my gag reflex go away.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
