I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
North Korea, Best Korea!
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
