I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Randomize
