I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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