Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
