I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
