don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
