She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
