bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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