Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
