She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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