cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
