i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
