Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
