He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
