dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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