In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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