STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
