I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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