too bad you live with your parents still
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
