i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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