Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
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