Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
