Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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