you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I touched a dick in church today
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
