saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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