You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Randomize
