I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize