I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
