You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
sarcasm needs its own font
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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