he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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