why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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