i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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