You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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