there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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