I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
