I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
