Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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