He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
