apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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