there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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