i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
