I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
