Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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