Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
