Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just invented taco cereal.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
