I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
