I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
