if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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