the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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