Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
