I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
i've created a new STD.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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