Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
