It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
