I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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